Introducing the "MP3 Player".
Normal Features:
*The ability to play music that isn't Apple related without having to dick around Apple's monopolistic shiz
*The ability to play movies that aren't Apple related without having to dick around Apple's monopolistic shiz
*Record via cable that plugs into another device's headphone jack
*Record via microphone
*AM/FM Radio Tuner
*A scrolly wheel thingy like on a mouse.
Controversial Features:
*Built in taser for zapping Apple assholes that won't shut the chuff up for 5 goddamned minutes about their precious iPods, iPhones, iLife, iCancerous Tumor and iDildos. Taser will shoot up to 20ft from the user.
*50 hour music playing battery life when taser is not used. Four tases will drain a full battery so they're to be used sparingly. The battery life is more in the normal range and out of the crappy failures of battery life iPods have.
*The ability to scroll from A to Z instead of ALL THE chuffing WAY THROUGH 20,000 SONGS TO GET TO THE ONE STARTING WITH Y like some of the old iPod's brilliant designwork requires you to do.
*It is a bit large for an mp3 player. Slightly larger than a PSP. It contains a shiny galena back so the mp3 player can be effectively used as a bludgeoning device when surrounded by too many Apple fanatics for effective taser use.
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