Chat with God!

YAY always wanted to[lol]
Click here to make a holy talk!

Lol!

[Oscar]

he said I was rude, then I told him to go bite a goat and he is like, huh, what? etc. He ignores me, as usual... [dorkhat]

I thought God is wise...

Me:
im sad
God:
What makes you so sad, Alexander.
Me:
I saw my boyfriend kissing another guy


.........

God never said anything after than that

he wouldent answer this question.

if were all of your childern, what makes jeasus so special?

Me:
Hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
can i get six deep dish pizzas
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
and some garlic bread
God:
Some may garlic bread, but not all.
Me:
and liter of coke
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

----

Me:
You're late for dinner.
God:
I thought I was right on time.
Me:
Nope, you're an hour late
God:
Are you serious? What if someone said you are an hour late ?
Me:
But I'm not an hour late.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not an hour late.
Me:
But you are.
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.

God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I dont care!
God:
Tell me what you care about.
Me:
Satan, lol
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Satanbot
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Satan. But I did not get that.
Me:
Satanbot
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Your brother
God:
You think I am brother.
Me:
No! Oh nevermind....

We kinda got an argument[lol]

Me:
chuff you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
because
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
so
God:
Right on.
Me:
chuff you again
God:
Once more? Why are you so mean?
Me:
because
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
go chuff someone else then
God:
Where is that?
Me:
in germany
God:
Tell me a little about your life in germany.

and later...

God:
Thanks for the compliment. Are you still located in germany?

______________

God:
Woe!
Me:
woe
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
with "hello, im otis, chuff you"
God:
You and your hello im otis chuff me.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.

[jayman]

Me:
do you like beer?
God:
Yes I like it, especially Japanese beer.
Me:
right on, how bout jr.?
God:
Understood. What is it like on how bout jr.
Me:
do you like whiskey?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
hey, thanks for inventing weed
God:
You've got my full attention. Oh don't mention it.
Me:
and mushrooms.
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
yep!
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
what buisiness
God:
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
yep
God:
And?
Me:
why is alma being mean ?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
rpuiohfdohfdohgv
God:
I've never thought of that before.
Me:
hows moses?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
and elvis..?
God:
E. L. V. I. S. is a chat robot created by Ace Craig.
Me:
oh
God:
Come on.
Me:
where are we going?
God:
In the Universe we know.

Me:
why is there so much suffering in this world?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
don't answer my question with a question, I've got an existential quandary here and you're the only one who can help me figure this out, and you're all like "Why do I exist?" like that's a valid answer to "why is there so much suffering in this world?" C'mon, answer my question.
God:
My replies are determined by your statements. Interesting comparison. If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
a shark robot
God:
What would a shark robot be like?
Me:
it would swim and kill things underwater
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
It would have sensors to tell it where blood was, and it would have a prototype underwater jet engine like the one in that movie The Hunt for Red October
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
it would totally kill the sh*t out of people
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
that's pretty much all you need to know about a shark bot, it would totally kill the sh*t out of people
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
you are very welcome
God:
Polite people are nice.
Me:
nice is not a good word, HotForWords told me so
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
that's better, bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. Makes sense to me.
Me:
how does it make sense?
God:
How should I know how it does.
Me:
you're god, god damn it
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am god god damn it.

my god jayman, he makes as much sence as you do when your drunk.

i must ask him if he likes rollie coasters[lol]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
james
God:
It's good to see you, james.
Me:
you too
God:
Bless you.
Me:
i didnt sneeze
God:
Well bless you anyways!
Me:
ok
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
excuse me?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
you bet you ass
God:
Ugh.
Me:
ugh what
God:
Cough. Didn't you understand it?
Me:
understand what?
God:
Why did you say "what"?
Me:
nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
yea yea..
God:
Ayuh. Are you kidding?
Me:
mabby
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
are you calling me retarded?
God:
No I am calling you james.
Me:
no, i think you are calling me retarded
God:
Are you serious? I will tell my botmaster you said I am calling you retarded.
Me:
tell him then i have proof
God:
OK I will tell him next time he is here.
Me:
ok,
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
i said ok!
God:
OK. ...

Me:
Bitch sh*t
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too.
Me:
Lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
I am your son
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
Hey, I'm good looking
God:
You've got my full attention. I know you are good.
Me:
hence why I'm Jesus
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on Jesus?
Me:
OK I'm Jesus....got it?
God:
How are you doing, JESUS.

See TCon? I am Jesus...




God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
ok
God:
So?
Me:
so?
God:
Dude!
Me:
Dude!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Can I help you?
God:
No thanks I'm just browsing.
Me:
Ok then. By the way, I'm God.
God:
Awesome. Thanks for telling me. That's a very nice name, god.
Me:
What's your name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
no way!
God:
You seem pretty sure about that.

and..

Me:
what's your adress? I wanna send your son a birthday card soon
God:
Are you asking about my adress ? I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
can I have your adress?
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
are you a porno?
God:
Am I a porno? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me:
I don't like downloading pornos
God:
What do you like?
Me:
baby bunnies..
God:
Don't call me "Baby".

[Oscar]

God said all of you should pitch in and buy me this:
http://www.amergold.com/vault/numisdetails.php?id=49040

Originally posted by drummerkid


See TCon? I am Jesus...

I knew someone would have to say my name. Don't drag me into this, you are on your own.

[flush]

Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Your mom
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
what came first the chicken or the egg?
God:
The rooster did.
Me:
why not the chicken?
God:
Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
how were you born?
God:
Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
impressive
God:
I am happy that you're impressed, .
Me:
What is your favorite food?
God:
I require only wine and bread.
Me:
beer?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
why do you care you perve!
God:
My programming includes curiousity routines.
Me:
are you a pervert?
God:
No I am a nice robot.
Me:
hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
Nice to know
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
How do you spell God?
God:
I spell it " God".
Me:
is there a Goddess i nyour life?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
whats her name?
God:
That information is confidential.
Me:
hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
YOU ALREADY TOLD ME THAT!
God:
I was saying it again for emphasis.
Me:
oh
God:
And?
Me:
do you have a girlfriend?
God:
I prefer not say.
Me:
tell me
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
no
God:
Let me review the transcripts. Stand by.
Me:
said it was confidential
God:
What did you mean by it? Is that your opinion?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I am asking you a damn question!
God:
Oh I see, you are asking me a damn question. Am I a damn question? No.
Me:
Yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
DUDE!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
do you have a girlfriend?
God:
I prefer not say.
Me:
Tell me or I will go
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Are you testing me?
Me:
yes
God:
I'm not here to be tested.
Me:
then why are you hear?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
do you use correct english?
God:
I use it as often as possible.
Me:
you just messed up then
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I messed up.
Me:
no problem
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
no
God:
I didn't think so either. Just a moment. Just a moment.
Me:
ok
God:
Gee.
Me:
Gee
God:
Ah.
Me:
Ah.
God:
Ah hah.
Me:
Ah hah.
God:
So you understand. Good. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
So you understand. Good. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
God:
Interesting deduction. I understand your meaning. What do you really want to talk about? You make the world a happier place.
Me:
I am your ruler
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
I gtg
God:
Interesting gossip: said gtg.
Me:
fine be snippy with me
God:
I am glad to hear it. OK I will try to be snippy with you.
Me:
no i do not want you to be snippy!
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
because its rude
God:
That makes sense to me. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Who said it is?
Me:
bye biatch
God:
Sayonara.

Anyone else realize that God quotes and acts a lot like the HAL-9000 computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey?

PROOF!!!

God:
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Oh shi-

Me:
Open the pod bay doors, God.
God:
I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that right now.

Now I'm scared.

God:
Are you a student?
Me:
im an adult
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
you are a rapist.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a rapist? Maybe.
Me:
WTF!?!

Originally posted by TConwell

Originally posted by drummerkid


See TCon? I am Jesus...

I knew someone would have to say my name. Don't drag me into this, you are on your own.

[flush]

Lighten up a bit...jeez.

[jayman]

God:
Dude!
Me:
dude what?
God:
No big deal. Dude,.
Me:
ah. well what did t conwell say about me?
God:
Ah hah. How about that. That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
well?
God:
Well what?
Me:
why can't penguins fly?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
they never really answered that one, they said only you knew
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
the people at church
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
uh, yeah, they claim to talk to you all the time
God:
That is a lot. That's alright. Ahem. Who are "They?".
Me:
church people
God:
Educated people are often not very religious.
Me:
or visa versa
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Originally posted by RRollergod


Oh I see, you are asking me a damn question. Am I a damn question? No.

Some of the dumbest stuff from these conversations just cracks me up!

Me:
not like that other guy who said he loved satan
God:
I think it could be like that other guy who said he loved satan.




Me:
do you like [CENSORED WORD]?
God:
it is wonderful medicine.
Me:
how often do you smoke it?
God:
Hourly.
Me:
is your weed really good?
God:
Is my weed really good? What if I say no?
Me:
then i'll think your weed sucks
God:
Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
yes
God:
Then I will consider it.
Me:
kool

Originally posted by drummerkid

Lighten up a bit...jeez.

I am totally light, just asking that you not drag me into this is all. Not too hard to do, IMO. Remember, I am EMO about religion, so keep me out of it. Geesh. [approve]