Spanking Your Kids: Discipline or Abuse?

I remember the first time I was actually spanked hard... It worked and I am glad it happened. That was the only time. I learned my lesson.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Originally posted by jensen-nator

yeah, then after 6 or 7, take stuff away.

No you threatened to smack and kid does what he is supposed to instead of goofing off.

Originally posted by coasterdave

I remember the first time I was actually spanked hard... It worked and I am glad it happened. That was the only time. I learned my lesson.

That's it? No wooden spoon, belt, or anything cool like that? Must have been a hell of spanking...

Originally posted by TConwell

My son is 18, 6'2" and 250 lbs ... and he knows that I will pop him for mouthing off and won't think twice about it. Sure, he could probably take me down - but out of respect, he shuts up and minds his parents.
[stoning] Pwned!

I'm definitely one to shut up and mind my parents, but they have never spanked me and I can't even imagine what it would be like if my relationship with my father meant being afraid of being punched in the face. My parents are not my best friends, and they don't try to be, but they know that they have my respect 24/7 without the threat of violence. Maybe it's just my family, but I don't see what spanking really accomplishes that other forms of discipline can't, I wouldn't go as far as to call it child abuse though.

[jayman]

there was a belt, a broken one, i think it had been mine, and it was cut in half and my folks had it hanging right under the phone,in the kitchen.
that image is as clear as day in my mind. it was a subtle reminder that being bad would entail it's use...a "NO!" meant no... questioning that no might get a challenging look from (usually) mom, but challenging the "NO" wound one up with a penalty of x number of spankings. if , for some reason me and/or my sister did something either extraordinarily bad, or required both parents to be present dad was involved. my dad is a genius in that catergory....HIS punishments, while when i look back, were seldom cruel or unusual, were the real deal that kept us in line.. a "spanking from mom" was one thing, but if we knew we wre in "deep ****"and there wasnt one... look out..
well that works quite well in a functional family, i know stuffs changed..

[Kev]

^ Excellent post there Jayman. I was rarely spanked by my dad growing up, but I vividly remember them to this day. Which, of course, is the whole point of punishment... that I remember what I did wrong, and that if I did it again, there would be repercussions to it.

Love, respect, and fear.... If you are under the age of 18 and do NOT feel these three things when looking at your parents, then it probably means that they didn't do a very good job raising you. Either that, or you're just a bad egg. I would even go so far to say that 'friendship' shouldn't be the goal for parents when raising their kids. But if a parent does everything else correctly, then friendship would be like an added bonus for them.

[jayman]

not only that, but i just thought of something..
there's two very important things that a parent must be able to do right, and it both involves a child's butt.. , but even though i'm not a parent i'd be dollars to donuts that most parents would rather clean the **** out of thier babys butt than whack it 5 years later..

Punch them in the face after their second birthday, and they'll be totally set for life! Problem solved.

Im great friends with my mom and i was not spanked and i turned out great. But It depends if your using a weapon or not. If its just your hand all to it, go beyond that such as a board is too far.

It's ok to spank as long as it's consensual and you have a "safe" word.

I would of loved to be spanked, Compared to what my mom did to me. I remeber when I was four, my mother decided to discipline My sister and I by sitting us on the counter and bitting with her teeth at our cheeks, we had to wear make up for weeks after, and it could of been a permenent scar of teeth marks in our cheeks. We did not do anything that bad but my mother as a bitch is narcissistic, and has mental problems, So I see spanking as a great thing, just not with belts.

Here are signs of narcissistic behaviors


has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

requires excessive admiration

has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Originally posted by guitarplayer673

I'm definitely one to shut up and mind my parents, but they have never spanked me and I can't even imagine what it would be like if my relationship with my father meant being afraid of being punched in the face. My parents are not my best friends, and they don't try to be, but they know that they have my respect 24/7 without the threat of violence. Maybe it's just my family, but I don't see what spanking really accomplishes that other forms of discipline can't, I wouldn't go as far as to call it child abuse though.

Let me be clear, "popping" my kids means swatting their butts. It's called an "attention getter". I have also popped my son on the back of the head (open hand) when he was really an idiot, but that is all. I do not appreciate the implication that I would ever punch my kid in the face.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Originally posted by Kev

^ Excellent post there Jayman. I was rarely spanked by my dad growing up, but I vividly remember them to this day.

YES! You NEVER piss of Dad or you f**king die lol! Same situation here.

Originally posted by TConwell

Originally posted by guitarplayer673

I'm definitely one to shut up and mind my parents, but they have never spanked me and I can't even imagine what it would be like if my relationship with my father meant being afraid of being punched in the face. My parents are not my best friends, and they don't try to be, but they know that they have my respect 24/7 without the threat of violence. Maybe it's just my family, but I don't see what spanking really accomplishes that other forms of discipline can't, I wouldn't go as far as to call it child abuse though.

Let me be clear, "popping" my kids means swatting their butts. It's called an "attention getter". I have also popped my son on the back of the head (open hand) when he was really an idiot, but that is all. I do not appreciate the implication that I would ever punch my kid in the face.

You said 'Pop him.' And any person who actually has left their house in a decade or so knows that currently that means punch in the face. You implied that, not him.

Spanking is fine by me, my dad was bi-polar so spanking could turn into something a lot worse, and he got a little WOAH when he was drunk and would kindof do those things for no apparent reason but my mom spanked me when I was little, and I agree with it.

Now TConwell on the other hand, you're being downright rude about it. Parent first, friend last? So you would rather beat the chuff out of your kid than you would be friends with them? Beating your child creates FEAR, NOT respect. DIFFERENCE. If your child LIKES you, there's respect. If your child is terrified of you, there's fear and it's cruel. THAT is child abuse.

How much you want to bet your son doesn't talk to highly about you outside of home?

I'm not trying to insult you, and I know you're probably going to give me a "I'VE BEEN PARENTING FOR X AMOUNT OF YEARS AND YOU'RE ONLY 14 BLAHBLAH" but my mom was beat when she was a child and she was SCARED of her dad and was FEARFUL of him, but she has NO respect for him WHATSOEVER.

Now her mom on the other hand, she has immense respect for and her mom never beat her.

The reason your kid won't punch you in the face isn't because he's got respect for you, it's because you're his friggin dad.

That's my opinion and if you disagree with it then have at'er but I'm never going to be a parent anyway so if I'm completely wrong, hey, no problems for me.

Plus there's always Supernanny

^Said like someone who didn't have a very good childhood. It seems like you've got this idea that just because [x] person is your parent, that means it's unacceptable to do certain things to them (like punching). There's way more to it than that.

A parent is someone who protects you and watches over you. A friend is just a social figure in your life. You can be friends with your kids, but that doesn't teach them how to act properly in the real world. Friendship teaches by influence; parenting teaches by authority. Which one is more effective??

And who said his kid is terrified by him? From what he's said, it sounds like they have a perfectly normal father-son relationship. Have you met him before and been around him and his family long enough to know what his son thinks about him? I'd bed anything you haven't. So don't go and question a relationship that odds say is perfectly fine.

Thank you Smer, thank you.

Calaway, the mother I grew up with could easily fill the shoes of the lead in "Mommy Dearest" (with Faye Dunaway). So, I understand the difference between abuse and anything else.

And as for you? It is obvious there is not enough discipline in your house else you might actually have some respect for your elders and know when to stop insinuating about things you know nothing about.

There might be a few (3-5) parents on this board that actually have something to offer to this discussion, but I am the only one with balls to step forward and say something. The rest of you who are not parents are shooting from the hip and acting like you have all the answers. Become a parent, then come talk to me. Ya know, I just love how some of the kiddies here hide behind their monitors and act like they are the bravest souls ever and should be applauded for their opinions.

Originally posted by CalawayPark

How much you want to bet your son doesn't talk to highly about you outside of home? I'm not trying to insult you ...

You are an insensitive, little, needle-dick prick. How dare you say something like to me??? Eat feces and die you cruel, tactless tea-bagger ... you no longer exist.

[hyyyper]

[Oscar]

Originally posted by TConwell

You are an insensitive, little, needle-dick prick. How dare you say something like to me??? Eat feces and die you cruel, tactless tea-bagger ... you no longer exist.

That's not very religious like to wish death upon someone! [:O]

Be that as it may, feel free to still apply it however the need is felt.

[jayman]

Originally posted by CalawayPark

Originally posted by TConwell

Originally posted by guitarplayer673

I'm definitely one to shut up and mind my parents, but they have never spanked me and I can't even imagine what it would be like if my relationship with my father meant being afraid of being punched in the face. My parents are not my best friends, and they don't try to be, but they know that they have my respect 24/7 without the threat of violence. Maybe it's just my family, but I don't see what spanking really accomplishes that other forms of discipline can't, I wouldn't go as far as to call it child abuse though.

Let me be clear, "popping" my kids means swatting their butts. It's called an "attention getter". I have also popped my son on the back of the head (open hand) when he was really an idiot, but that is all. I do not appreciate the implication that I would ever punch my kid in the face.

You said 'Pop him.' And any person who actually has left their house in a decade or so knows that currently that means punch in the face. You implied that, not him.

Spanking is fine by me, my dad was bi-polar so spanking could turn into something a lot worse, and he got a little WOAH when he was drunk and would kindof do those things for no apparent reason but my mom spanked me when I was little, and I agree with it.

Now TConwell on the other hand, you're being downright rude about it. Parent first, friend last? So you would rather beat the chuff out of your kid than you would be friends with them? Beating your child creates FEAR, NOT respect. DIFFERENCE. If your child LIKES you, there's respect. If your child is terrified of you, there's fear and it's cruel. THAT is child abuse.

How much you want to bet your son doesn't talk to highly about you outside of home?

I'm not trying to insult you, and I know you're probably going to give me a "I'VE BEEN PARENTING FOR X AMOUNT OF YEARS AND YOU'RE ONLY 14 BLAHBLAH" but my mom was beat when she was a child and she was SCARED of her dad and was FEARFUL of him, but she has NO respect for him WHATSOEVER.

Now her mom on the other hand, she has immense respect for and her mom never beat her.

The reason your kid won't punch you in the face isn't because he's got respect for you, it's because you're his friggin dad.

That's my opinion and if you disagree with it then have at'er but I'm never going to be a parent anyway so if I'm completely wrong, hey, no problems for me.

Plus there's always Supernanny

spoken like aN ARROGANT, rhetorical, spoiled, future "proffesional student".. , you are a spoiled little c*nt who thinks they are a progressive intellectual. sorry, dude.. you don't know ****
..

Think what you want, I said it's just my opinion. I pretty much said I might be completely wrong, turns out I was. Sorry 'bout that.

TConwell, I said I didn't mean to insult you. But I go to school every day and I've yet to meet a kid who's well behaved that speaks nicely about their parents.

I wouldn't consider myself spoiled, but hey, if that's the way it is, that's the way it is.

There's been lots of discipline in my life, less than some, more than some, and at least I never turned out to be some street kid who hangs out with drug dealers and murders people or something.

I know I can be arrogant, I'm sorry. I'll try not to be so thickheaded. I really didn't mean for that to come out like it sounded now that I re-read it.

Maybe I just had a weird childhood.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Calaway is a wuss and wasn't beaten.

Theory proved.

Originally posted by TConwell

Thank you Smer, thank you.

Calaway, the mother I grew up with could easily fill the shoes of the lead in "Mommy Dearest" (with Faye Dunaway). So, I understand the difference between abuse and anything else.

And as for you? It is obvious there is not enough discipline in your house else you might actually have some respect for your elders and know when to stop insinuating about things you know nothing about.

There might be a few (3-5) parents on this board that actually have something to offer to this discussion, but I am the only one with balls to step forward and say something. The rest of you who are not parents are shooting from the hip and acting like you have all the answers. Become a parent, then come talk to me. Ya know, I just love how some of the kiddies here hide behind their monitors and act like they are the bravest souls ever and should be applauded for their opinions.

Originally posted by CalawayPark

How much you want to bet your son doesn't talk to highly about you outside of home? I'm not trying to insult you ...

You are an insensitive, little, needle-dick prick. How dare you say something like to me??? Eat feces and die you cruel, tactless tea-bagger ... you no longer exist.

Well THAT was the mature way to handle it[shocked]. That comment by CalawayPark was uncalled-for, but calling names? Before I start I would just like to say that everyone has their own opinion and it's not up to people like TConwell to deem who is worthy enough to post their thoughts on this topic. Well my opinion as a 15 year old is that spanking does nothing for a parental-child relationship but instill fear. Like it has been said before, fear doesn't cause respect. Respect is not always deserved when it is demanded (that goes for the "respect your elders" comment as well-Not specifically to TConwell or CalawayPark's comments but to life in general). From my own experiences, the main reason I didn't act up around my family is because I knew that if I did, I would get spanked. Spanking is therefore effective in preventing a child from doing something wrong. However, so is dropping a nuclear bomb on Iraq and calling it a day. You have to look at the repercussions of spanking. That being said, a little whack every now and then won't send your child to a mental center for the rest of his or her life. It just isn't neccesary. Of course it's hard when you have a child old enough to act up but young enough not to fully understand why what he or she is doing is wrong, but i think you should come up with alternative punishments that don't require violence to get the point across such as, like Princess G suggested, taking away something that the child really likes. I don't know everything. This is just my opinion. So with that, I say ?????????Stop the unnecessary violence.?????????

PS: I'm not saying that any of you all beat your kids and should be locked up for traumatizing your children. I'm saying that a truly healthy parental-child relationship doesn't require spanking.

I'll call this an open invitation to the site. Raise children (responsibly and successfully) in this world with all the distractions that are available to them, and then call me and tell me how easy it is to not discipline through spanking. I am happy to give you my number (WeeWeeSlap, CoasterkidMWM, and Phil have it as well).

As for my wife and I we have raised a well adjusted, proven, successful 18 year old who leaves for college this year with a full scholarship. 1 down -- 1 to go. What will your legacy be?

Sorry to rain on your fabulous post TCon, but you spelled scholarship wrong. [:p]
Other than that I agree with you 100%.

... that'll teach me to type and read something else!