DontEvenReply

http://www.dontevenreply.com/

This little site gave me a big batch of giggles while i was doing my morning surfing/cooking.

Heres one of my favorites

Be A Man
Posted at: 2009-10-15 11:26:06
Original ad:
Old/used soccer equipment wanted for my kid. Will drive to pick up anywhere near Malvern. No calls, email only: ************@verizon.net
From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Hello,

I have a bunch of old soccer equipment that would be perfect for your daughter. I have soccer balls, nets, cleats, etc. Let me know specifically what you need and we can talk prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Actually the stuff is for my son because I want to get him started in soccer. I'm in need of a practice net, soccer ball and kids size 6 cleats if you have them. Thanks.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

My mistake, I assumed it was for your daughter because it is soccer. If that is the way you want to raise your son, I have some other items you may want to buy for him. I have a pink twirling baton with silver ribbons, and a cheerleader set consisting of two pom-poms, pink cheerleader bloomers, and a toy megaphone.

I'm charging $100 for the practice net, $20 for the ball, $25 for the baton, and $30 for the cheerleader set. I don't have kids size 6 cleats, but you don't really need cleats for soccer anyway. Your son could probably just use his bunny slippers.

Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Well I'm definitely interested in kicking your love ass. One question, asshole: if you think soccer is so gay, why do you have soccer equipment, and a cheerleader set and baton?

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Please, you aren't kicking anyone's ass. The fact that you are getting your son started in soccer instead of football says a lot about you as a man.

To answer your question, I have the baton and cheerleader set as trophies. When I was a kid, I used to go around the neighborhood and beat up all the other kids who played soccer and steal their stuff. I acquired the cheerleader set and baton from this one kid in the neighborhood, Caleb. I always knew that kid wasn't right - he used to ride around on a pink bike and always wanted to have tea parties with the other kids. I tried to help him by beating him up and stealing his baton, but I don't think it worked. I saw him in Philly a few years ago, blowing some guy in an alley. Anyway, I kept my gatherings in my shed out back as a testament to my manliness, but I need to make room for my new shotgun and power saw.

So do you want the stuff or not? I also have Brokeback Mountain on DVD. I ordered Die Hard, but that was sent to me in error. It sounds like a movie that you and your son would enjoy watching.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

You must be so proud of what a big man you are with your shotgun and power saw.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

You're goddamn right I am. It's just part of being a man, which you apparently know nothing about. Tell you what - forget the baton and cheerleader set. I want to help you. I'll sell you my shotgun for $1,700. It is a 10-gauge Remington that'll put some hair on your chest. Take your son hunting with it. There is nothing more manly than blowing a deer's head off and eating the raw venison from its neck.

Then, after you are done manning up, you can come back and I'll sell you some football equipment for your son. I'd hate to see him blowing Caleb in an alley in Philly some day.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

How about you take your shotgun and stick it up your ass and pull the trigger? Go love yourself.

Well everyone, im off to a day of job intervews, wish me luck!!

[gouldy]

whoever "Me" is, can die a horrible death, due to aids, MS, cancer and shotgun ass sex.

I'm not even going to begin an American Football versus actual Football debate, so I'll just say, he is a dick and then leave it at that.

[Oscar]

aww gouldy get mad?

that is one of the funnyest things i have read in a while, thanks for the laugh

Originally posted by gouldy

whoever "Me" is, can die a horrible death, due to aids, MS, cancer and shotgun ass sex.

I'm not even going to begin an American Football versus actual Football debate, so I'll just say, he is a dick and then leave it at that.

Umm, it's clearly not even a real email conversation.

Originally posted by Coasterkat

Originally posted by gouldy

whoever "Me" is, can die a horrible death, due to aids, MS, cancer and shotgun ass sex.

I'm not even going to begin an American Football versus actual Football debate, so I'll just say, he is a dick and then leave it at that.

Umm, it's clearly not even a real email conversation.

All the emails are real.
The guy just responds to classified ads in various medums.

Think prank calling, except for emails.

So you're telling me the story with the land mines is true?

Originally posted by coasterpimp

So you're telling me the story with the land mines is true?

No, he made that up to be funny. The people he talks to are real people with contact info posted in real ads, but everything he says is a lie.

[slosprint]

^ sort of like most of the thins cool5 says are just to be annoying and get attention... i get it now.

i like that, i wanna do it! funny stuff... MOAR!