Dealing with Cats

[Coasterkidmwm]

I have recently been forced to live with a cat against my will.

I hate cats because they're retarded and unsanitary. Housecats are peer reviewed as the dumbest mammal, which is why they're incapable of learning tricks and forming a social structure like practically other animals. Anyone who thinks their cat loves them is lying to themselves because they're simply too stupid. Hunting ability doesn't mean anything as other living things like a goddamned clam can hunt.

I can't sleep through the night because it wakes me up walking around on the bed and meowing at 5AM-6AM approximately every other day. I can't close the door because the apartment has no central air, and I can either wake up sweating in a 90 degree room with no sleep or leave the door open and gamble on the creature not waking me up.

So far it has managed to tunnel into my box spring and wake me up screaming bloody murder because it couldn't escape, has scratched up all the furniture, and in general is just a sack of poop.

Whenever the owner closes a door it will scratch and meow constantly until the owner opens the door. It's really loud and annoying as poop. The owner's solution to these problems is to say "HEY!" really loudly whenever it's doing something it isn't supposed to. It'll kind of look at the owner for 3 seconds and go back to being an a retarded mammal and doing the same bad thing again. To give you an idea of how bad the problem is, the owner and his girlfriend watch HGTV channel shows hosted by some hollow shell of a man who didn't make it to Hollywood about house cats. My roommate used to be cool and now that she has moved in with this poopty cat he just watches HGTV on a saturday instead of going out. It's that bad. Like if nobody at school is going out to the bar it's just better for me to drink alone than try to do something with them.

Essentially I'm at the end of my rope and I'd like some advice on how to get it to avoid me without taking measures like throwing it into the wall when I'm woken up.

They won't buy a spray bottle so I've been throwing cup of water on to it anytime it enters my room. I'm using a bright red plastic cup that I'm hoping it will associate with bad things happening. Any other advice for how to deal with it would be appreciated since I really don't view them any better than a bug on the wall and I'm afraid I'll start some animal abuse drama. When I was working in Chicago and the strays would attack us outside we basically had to kill them because we didn't know what diseases they had, so whacking one with a shovel isn't exactly that bad a thing for me. That's why i'm concerned about going overboard with the thing.

Any advice is appreciated, thanks

[TheArchitect]

Garlic powder in your door way.

LOL This post was hilarious!

Good luck though, I guess? Perhaps you could use one of those infant/dog barriers and bar your room off while keeping the airflow good. Although it may jump over that. Depends on whether it's an athletic kitty or a Fat Albert kitty.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Unfortunately it's extremely healthy and close to two years old, so it'll jump a dog barrier lol. I'm going to give garlic powder a try.

Owner won't let it go outside. Outside cats are great because they die early because they have a compromised immune system from the inbreeding.

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

But seriously. You could sabotage the cat by introducing it to so many fleas, it will become anemic. That's what happened to my wife's cat. It was so infested with fleas, they had depleted the cat's red blood cells and we had to put it down.

Replace the cat.

I have a cat, it sleeps all day, it may go outside whenever it wants, it doesn't meow a lot. It asks for eating and for hugs. It's a nice cat.
Yours sounds like a psychopath lol.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Originally posted by LeFLO
Yours sounds like a psychopath lol.

I love how you imply they actually have the intelligence to actually be a psychopath.

If I could replace the cat with air I would.

[hyyyper]

We have five cats, but since we live in an old farm, they just live in the barn and poop in the garden. They really are adorable and they are trained not to come indoors on jump on the table when we are eating outside.

Anyways, might I suggest using a plant sprayer instead a cup of water, it's less messy.

Originally posted by NightwindElf

You could sabotage the cat by introducing it to so many fleas, it will become anemic.

I have a feeling CK will do this one.

I'm sorry that this cat of yours isn't sitting or shaking your hand just because you tell it to. I guess you believe that in order to be a smart animal you have to be duped into doing everything asked of you. Ever consider that these cats just simply don't give a **** what you want? They are a very selfish species and only like you if you give them food and take care of them, just like any other pet. If you ask it to do something it will listen only if it is in the mood.

It wakes you up in the morning because it probably hasn't eaten in over 8 hours in a time when cats are most awake. Just make sure that the cat is fed, its litter box doesn't have poop in it, and it may be less obnoxious in the morning.

My girlfriend's roommate has a cat. It's a goddamned DEMON. How does she deal with it? She lets it scratch the poop out of her, her furniture, her roommate's TV, the carpet, and the doors. I'm literally scared of the cat because I've seen what it can do to people. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm not particularly fond of house pets in the first place, but still.

Anyway, the two of them got a little squirt gun to shoot the cat whenever it did something wrong. That worked for a while, but a day or two after you squirt her, she seemed to just sort of forget that it was wrong and she'd be right fact to climbing the TV screen.

And that cat is not a demon because they treat it poorly (they treat it wonderfully, except for the occasional yelling of "WHORE!" or "female dog!"). It's a demon because it's a ****ing demon.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Originally posted by boneplaya
Anyway, the two of them got a little squirt gun to shoot the cat whenever it did something wrong. That worked for a while, but a day or two after you squirt her, she seemed to just sort of forget that it was wrong and she'd be right fact to climbing the TV screen.

Hence the retardation

[Oscar]

You could invest in a shock collar with perimeter control. Put the collar on it. Set the permiter to be your room door. Anytime it tries to cross it, it gets shocked like crazy. Trust me, you'll never have to worry about it getting into your bed again. Alternatively, if I were you and this is just because I really detest cats, I'd simply grab the cat, stick it in a box, hop in the bus and go like half an hour in one direction and release it. When the owners ask for it, be like "idk?" That's probably the best solutions you have at the moment.

If I were you, I would invest in a fan. Then you can have air and kitty stays out of roomz.

[youtube]guYDdYJ8HYU[/youtube]
There's always this solution...

[Coasterkidmwm]

Originally posted by Jcoasters

If I were you, I would invest in a fan. Then you can have air and kitty stays out of roomz.

I live in an apartment building from the sixties. It doesn't have central air.

[gouldy]

Get a dog to eat the cat.

This has 2 main benefits;
1. There will no longer be a cat.
2. You will have a dog, a vastly superior animal in every possible way.

Originally posted by Coasterkidmwm

Originally posted by Jcoasters

If I were you, I would invest in a fan. Then you can have air and kitty stays out of roomz.

I live in an apartment building from the sixties. It doesn't have central air.

Then... get a fan? Isn't that the point of a fan? lol

Maybe get two fans: one pointing in the room, one pointing out shooting at the kitty, annoying it. I dunno. Your problem sounds unfixable and you should just give up and slit the cat.

Killing a cat because you don't like it... Let me know how that works out for you.

Sounds like that cat needs to be de-clawed.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Originally posted by AJClarke0912
Then... get a fan? Isn't that the point of a fan? lol

Maybe get two fans: one pointing in the room, one pointing out shooting at the kitty, annoying it.

The whole place has nine fans blowing air around in strategic ways. I need my door open so said fans can blow air from the room with the AC unit in it into the rest of the rooms in the apartment.

I don't see why you guys can't grasp how a place without central air works I mean really.

Send it to Rome, no seriously they have cats by the 100,000s. No Joke.

[Coasterkidmwm]

Of course they do. Nobody likes wallowing in their own filth more than Italians.

[mkingy]

Originally posted by gouldy

Get a dog to eat the cat.

This has 2 main benefits;
1. There will no longer be a cat.
2. You will have a dog, a vastly superior animal in every possible way.

I don't think your poodle can eat cats Gouldy :/

[gouldy]

I wish I had a dog, even if it was a poodle, but t'missus has shyte skin that gets raped by animal hair [V]