life and loss

I don't know if this is the proper forum in which to be doing this, but, i thought I would reach out anyway. About a month ago I lost a huge part of my life. My fiance was taken from me suddenly and unexpectedly. I've been trying to find an answer and hoping for the reason, but, none has come. I love roller coasters, but, the ride I've been on is not one I would ever have imagined to have to ride. She and I both loved Disneyland, though she was deathly afraid of heights and roller coasters in general, I managed to get her on a few. My dream is to one day Have a button made with her picture on it and take a cross country roller coaster trip to ny where she was buried so i could finally get her on some of the baddest, meanest rides in the country and hopefully get some closure.

This is us getting engaged last year at our happy place. I can't wait to go back and relive our happy times. Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you've ever been through a similar situation please let me know how you got through it, cuz i just can't find a way right now.

sorry to hear that, i feel sorry for both of you.

[Coasterkidmwm]

That's rough man IDK what to say aside from that I'm sorry.

[Turbo]

As many of you know I went on a hiatus from everything back in late may. Well there was actually many reasons for this. I ended my engagement a few months prior to the one night that truly broke my sanity. After having a rather rough childhood she was still my mother and being as young as I am it's unfair that she was to depart this world at such a young age of her own.



Originally I was going to past a slab from her obituary here however it's more personal coming from my own mouth if you will. She was born and raised here in Seattle having a good childhood, great education, and great friends. Unfortunately life isn't always the best as there were a series of various illnesses striking here from 2007 until earlier this year when they finally took her life.

I have a lot to thank her for including my success as a sales manager, my own personal education and my adventurous attitude that takes me around the world. As a kid I would be taken on her many business trips allowing me to ride legendary rides such as Big Bad Wolf, Hypersonic XLC, and many more that no longer exist today. When I grew up she always encouraged my hobbies and choices in life and I am ever grateful for that. To be honest even through the massive load of crap that my childhood was she always seemed to show me some ray of light that pushed me further. And because of that I'd say that she will always be with me keeping me going.

All I can say is life can really suck. If I'm being honest in my own views life is about suffering until there is something you truly appreciate that shows up. Once it does it is never permanent as life also takes these pleasures away from us before we are ready. Thinking about it more I realize that these horrible moments in life exist to help us appreciate the best parts of life much more than if everything was handed to us. That moment of clarity will never make this pain any better as much as I wish it would however it is nice to have some hope of a better tomorrow.

I am truly sorry for your loss. Deaths cold hand froze my mind and heart for many months until I finally snapped out of it. It is a wound that will never truly heal however we must always push forward as the day is never fully dark. I know it is hard to forget that at times like these but it is true. I will always be here for anyone that needs someone to talk or vent to, confidential or not. Don't hesitate as I also know first hand what keeping things in can do as well.



EDIT TO ADDRESS RESOLUTION: I don't know what got me out of that deep pit of despair though going to Sweden helped immensely. I focused on work and tried not to think about how rough this year was. When I was a kid I used Video Games to escape my rougher reality. Today I use them for pleasure mainly but they did help me escape the pit as well. I am NOT saying it was easy, as I actually did nothing at all for about a month straight. I went to work, got home and layed on my bed looking at my ceiling. I wasn't even thinking, my mind was empty. After you get the motivation to do things again I'd recommend going out with friends, doing anything to distract yourself, and always looking for new things to try.

[herman116]

It's always hard to lose someone unexpected... I'm sorry for your loss...

[TTD03]

Very sorry for your loss.

We can't find good or encouraging words for his personal loss, so all we can do is to leave him alone until he starts to feel like talking about the memories.

[Turbo]

Loss like this is true pain. The ONLY piece of advice I can give is to try distracting yourself. It can do wonders for your mental status, it sure helped me a lot..

[Oscar]

I am sorry for your loss. I had not known this happened

lol240 wrote:

We can't find good or encouraging words for his personal loss, so all we can do is to leave him alone until he starts to feel like talking about the memories.

Thank you all for the kind words. I am ready to talk, that's why i posted and why i waited a little while. The pain sucks, but, i am happy for the times we had and all the awesome memories.

[Turbo]

That's where you gotta be! I'm glad you're at this point.