Some Levity to a Boring Day ...

OK, nothing controversial ... lol ... although I am sure someone (cough coaster cough) will find a way to take a stab at me.

Just a litle something to bring some levity to the day!
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o Can you cry under water?

o How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

o If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

o Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

o Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

o Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

o What disease did cured ham actually have?

o How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

o Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

o If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

o If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

o Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?

o Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

o How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

o Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

o If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

o Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

o Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

o Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

o Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

o Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

o When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

o If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

o Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

o If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut....why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

o Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

o Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

o What do you call male ballerinas?

o Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

o If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

o If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

o Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

o Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

o Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

o Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

1) Yes
2) Well i guess you would murder Snoop Dogg (Drive-By Fo' Sho') and assassinate Bush
3) The seem reason banks dont have roots
4) SO the ham dangles out the side and makes it look more tasty..er
5) Your thoughts?
6) Easier to handle/store
7) The Dumb?
8) The inventors like to see people suffer
9) Babies are cute?
10) Yes
11) Yes
12) Most TV stars tend to sit on top of the TV whilst the Movie stars try to get inside it
13) There American?
14) I'd rather look at 50 woman then two old men
15) I usualy go into the doctors naked in the first place
16) 911 eh? You need to get with the 999
17) Panty sounds ridiculous
18) Yes
19) Well since all mammals would create milk from there tits i guess it was human nature todrink the milk. I feel for the guy who got Male and Female cows mixed up
20) There is alot of undecent people in the world (mmm burnt toast)
21) The temperature in the freezer is below zero, and by turning on the bulb there will be a huge increase in temperature which would cause the glass to shatter. Ever heated a test tube up with a bunsen burner then put it under cold water? Smash...
22) If your drunk then Yes
23) I dont care much about dumb love songs yet people still write songs about it
24) Carpool...
25) The Gilligan's Island i saw had nothing to do with boats, however i did have alot to do with holes and coconuts
26) Plain rude
27) Goofy takes Viagra
28) Gay
29) Only on weekdays
30) You ever tried ordering food in the middle of the desert? Its always cold before it gets to you
31) Babies and ketchup
32) Yes
33) I expect youd be annoyed if a dog blew in your face
34) Yes
35) I wasnt, i was singing Thomas The Tank Engine

You worry me man .... LOL!

it was scary enough about that rap comment awile back, but that's frightening . I didn't know there was a thomas song, i remember just that annoying beat[lol]

[Brtnboarder495]

*Appluases(sp?)* Funny stuff. Btw I had to do a 4 paragraph essay on how blind people dream in english.

[coolbeans326]

ahh yes, Thomas the Tank Engine, that used to be my favorite show, that and Power Rangers. And getting the 2 together would have made me have a heart attack. I was all like shut up live action people, get to the clay stuff. No body cares what you have to say. And then the TV would shou back at me. I don't remember what, but it must have been something important, other wise I would have paid attention. But I don't remember the theme song.
anywas
"Can you cry under water?"
Nope, you need to suck in air to cry, and when you do...[xx(]
"Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?" Who cares its all about thongs [:p]
"If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut....why can't he fix a hole in a boat" Cuz it would have ended the serises.
"Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs"
Wow, I didn't even know Pluto had 1!!! I thought he was nuetered (don't care about spelling) but 4!!!! Man, I wish I had that many. Better yet, I wish I could stand on them when I got tired.
"Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse" Nope, you forgot about the others.[approve]

Here's a few questions:
If you tore a fly's wings off, then would the fly be called a walk?

you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards
is Naive?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does
that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

"Wow, I didn't even know Pluto had 1!!! I thought he was nuetered (don't care about spelling) but 4!!!! Man, I wish I had that many. Better yet, I wish I could stand on them when I got tired."

LMAO thecool, that was hilarious

o Can you cry under water?.......yes

o How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?..........they have to be a politician

o If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?...because banks don't make money

o Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?.....to be annoying

o Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?.....you give two thoughts and your all set

o Why does a round pizza come in a square box?.....easier to make a couch out of

o What disease did cured ham actually have?............syphilus (sp?)

o How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?.......luggage has had wheels since at least the 1940s

o Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?............what age are we talking about?

o If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?..........yes, but he can't hear it

o If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?..........no, but they should!

o Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?.....because when being in a movie, your image is actually imprinted in the movie as a part of it. but when on tv, your image in projected ON the screen. your not actually in it.

o Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?...........they can see more from up high than on the ground. people like views.

o How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?...the country is run by white, heterosexual men...go figure

o Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.......mine didnt ???

o If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?....their partner... they always work in teams

o Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?......now that's a good one

o Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?.....no

o Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"......a perverted farmer

o Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?.....that's the piece you always give to the dog!

o Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?...i got one in my freezer!

o When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?............yes actually... i was smiling when i got pulled over for doing 80 at 3 am 12 states from where i was supposed to be.

o If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?......jimmy is a depressed schmuck and he made a song about him cracking corn (whatever that means) to boost his self esteem. but now he's pissed that only kindergarteners sing it and is thinking of a new hip-hop career.

o Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?.....cars don't have pools, be quiet.

o If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut....why can't he fix a hole in a boat?.....you don't need duct tape for a radio.

o Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?.....just no.

o Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!..........diffrernt breed! goofy is black, pluto is brown.

o What do you call male ballerinas?.....dancers

o Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?.....yes, they have imaginations too ya know.

o If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?...... he doesnt want to eat the road runner, he just wants to kill him!

o If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?......

o Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?....no, it's operated by one of the largest companies in the world whose mascot is a mouse.

o Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?............dogs are some of the stupidest creatures on earth. they have the intelligence, just not the common sence.

o Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?.......yes they do

o Why did you just try singing the two songs above?.........i didnt, i already knew that they have the same tune. same with "hot crossed buns" and "three blind mice"..... except in elementary music classes, they teach them seperatly.